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Diaryland

I Start Fires!

Lexiroth
Her Rainess
Lizsama
'Cedez
Moonie
Pipey
Timofsky
Motro
Squeeky
Lady Maverick
DM
Shoisies
Chokie

2003-02-13

Piggy's specs were nicked at: 6:43 a.m.

Being on my ... our ... own is grand most of the time, but there are times I miss my family. Like when I run out of toilet paper. Or groceries. My father used to have this thing he called the 'Magic List.'

"Dad, we're out of peanut butter."

"Write it down on the Magic List."

I'd go to the fridge and scribble whatever I needed on the piece of notepaper that hung there. Sure enough, by that Saturday, my requested item would be in the pantry. Unless I asked for some smoked salmon. Then my dad would just tell me to go fuck myself.

When I write down things on a piece of paper, my fridge remains empty. My dad must be some class of magician.

What I especially miss is an older brother hanging around to make fun of the video games I play.

When I bought my Playstation, I brought home Megaman X4 shortly thereafter. My brother grabbed the controller, promptly killed X, took a few steps when X re-materialised, and said, "There, that's my Megaman fix for the next 3 years." I hope he's still vaccinating himself with some Megaman-y goodness once in a while. I don't know what happens to twentysomethings who don't get their regular infusions of their childhood hero. Maybe they grow boobs. Or Zero-esque boob lights.

Then there was Super Street Fighter II for the Super Nintendo. I cannot be defeated at that game. I didn't ask for such a gift; things merely worked out that way. The summer that SSF II was released, I had major surgery that left me pretty spent for two months. My parents kept me wallowing in SNES games during that time, bless them. I perfected my Street Fighter skillz for a lack of anything better to do.

I cheesed the life out of my opponents with Honda at first. Then I gradually moved up to Michael Jackson Blanka. Next was Vega, and many of his moves still boil in my blood and just need a little rubbing to perk up again. Rowr. I positively perfected everyone's favourite leaping ninja matador, and Vega is a very, very deadly opponent. So I did the only logical thing, and abandoned him to play as slow, clunky Guile. Thump, crack, love those combat boots.

I whomped Bison's ass and watched his ending. In it, Guile is reunited with his estranged wife and daughter and the weary warrior reclines at home, dog and all. I thought it was terribly cute, and so did my mother, but my brother thought otherwise.

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen! Capcom must've sat around and given a prize to whoever could think of the dumbest Street Fighter ending. Guile should sonic-boom the dog, or flash kick the wife."

Now how am I supposed to enjoy watching a suffering heart come to the end of a long, winding road without thinking of Jane's head glued by her own blood upside-down on the ceiling, courtesy of her loving husband?

It's bad enough I can't play Super Castlevania IV anymore because my brother noted that Simon sounds like he's having an orgasm whenever he dies. Now I'll swear that I hear the vampire hunter screaming out Dracula's name whenever he falls off a cliff.

Jerk.