Old

Fresh!

Comments

MDA

Livejournal

Profile

Diaryland

I Start Fires!

Lexiroth
Her Rainess
Lizsama
'Cedez
Moonie
Pipey
Timofsky
Motro
Squeeky
Lady Maverick
DM
Shoisies
Chokie

2002-10-29

Piggy's specs were nicked at: 8:21 p.m.

This comes from The Castlevania Dungeon:

[...]On a side note, watching these Gamespy ads - doesn't Ty the Tasmanian Tiger remind you of Poochie? Not only in design, but in concept?

That sounds about right. It's like a bunch of thirtysomethings sat in a room, ate rotissary chicken and threw out (or up) "cool" bits to come up with yet another fuzzy mascot with attitude. You know something? I don't care how fat or kiddy or plumber-esque and shit-stinky Mario is. He never, ever tried to have attitude, and he still doesn't.

Ty is the most unappealing character I've seen in a while. Can we drop the whole Australian fad, please? Don't get me wrong, I love Aussies and their beer, but how many times am I going to see sad lifeforms that squeak "Crikey!" when they have their tummies pushed? When will the media get a clue that I stopped giving a shit about six months ago?

It's not just the overdone Australian motif. Why do we have to have another google-eyed animal of questionable species running across the screen and collecting the moobalfas of whalamazoo? Sonic was kind of cool until Sonic 3 came out, but that about does it for me and furries. Except Star Fox, of course.

Well, the only solution to this mess is to talk about games with characters that absolutely don't suck. Where have I been these past few days? I'll tell you where I've been. ORGASMVILLE. Better known as Metroid Fusion.

I'm going to prattle now, so if you don't want spoilers, run away very far and fast. I'll wait for you to make up your mind.

One.

Two.

Ten.

Okay. So. Nintendo has a leak, a massive leak. How else could I get a ROM of a game that's not due out for another three weeks at least? Understand that I'll be able to afford a GBA someday, and I'll grab Metroid Fusion as well, so stop glaring daggers at me. I don't necessarily dislike ROMS, but I won't fight to my death to defend them either.

SUMMARY: Metroid Fusion is a fucking good game. The breakdown:

Graphics -- Definately a step up from Super Metroid, if not just for the fact that we actually have some backgrounds to speak of. The colours are brighter -- Looking at Samus and her surroundings at the start of the game, I feel like I'm drowning in a box of Smarties. But undoubtedly it was a wise desicion to brighten up the game's tones, given the GBA's Screen of Blackness No See Ha ha ha Stupid American. With the cheerier colours, the game feels less gritty than Super Metroid. Take heart, it's merely an illusion.

While the look is improved overall, some of the special effects lack ... special effects. The Power Bomb explosion is as impressive as a string of paper dolls. Unexploding paper dolls.

Sound: -- Excellent, considering the GBA's sound system is a bag of chips and crap. The BGM that accompanies the fight with the Nightmare is downright creepy. The sound effects are also funky, even if I miss the old bomb explosion SE's. But those were the last thing on my mind when I first heard the SA-X's hollow footsteps ringing in the corridor below me...

Story -- Definately interesting, if not totally inspired by Alien Ressurection. The parasite called "X" is able to thrive when Samus kills off their main predators -- the Metroids. In thanks, the X attack her when she returns to SR-388 and it fux0rs her up. Scientists inject her near-dead body with Metroid DNA to chase off the X. It works, and then fun stuff happens. For one thing, the X can mimic their host so there's an empty-headed Samus running around in the game.

It's more story than what usually comes with a Metroid game, and the surprising bit is that there's more. There's a good deal of text that comes from Samus' computer CO nicknamed, uh, Adam. Seems like everyone's favourite bounty hunter of bang-bang space land had a sort-of love interest, and a sad story behind him.

Out of character, you say? Sure. I always had Samus pegged as a loner myself. But while I kind of miss the "mute" Samus from Super Metroid and beyond, I equally like to learn more about her. I'm torn. Fuck it all, let's move on.

Presentation -- In the Arctic sector of the space station Samus explores in the game, one section has a glass wall in the background. Something huge, something shadowy and fast fast darts across the background at random intervals as you space-jump your merry way through the area and try very hard to not think about this huge thing that's stalking you. Again, totally inspired by Alien, but here's a hint: You won't care.

Super Metroid Vs. Metroid Fusion -- Oh Gosh. That's a tough one. They both kick a lot of ass. Super is a classic, of course. But the Metroid team changed just enough in Fusion so that there's a whole new experience with a good dose of oldskool so you never get homesick. The control scheme is a little wonkier in Fusion, but given the fact that I was playing on an emulator with a Gravis gamepad, I'm going to ignore the control aspect. However, I do miss the seperate weapons that Super presented us with -- in Metroid Fusion, missles are upgraded to super missles, ice missles and so on. I also miss the ice beam terribly, but Samus isn't allowed to play with it anymore for a very logical reason that's explained in the game.

With Fusion, you don't get the sense of sprawl that you got with Super. It's strange, because I'll safely wager that the research station is easily as big as Zebes, if not larger. Maybe I just felt confined because I was on a station as opposed to a planet.

Fusion is also semi-brutal in its difficulty. The bees in the Tropical Area don't mess around; they'll take off two tanks of energy if they hit Samus with their stingers.

So Fusion isn't without its problems, but neither was Super Metroid. Oh what the hell, this whole review isn't worth a shit. If you're any sort of Metroid fan -- any at all -- drop your pants and run to the nearest store. Er, once the game comes out that is. Ha ha ha.

Seriously, I finished this game in two sittings. Two very long sittings. It eventually gets to a point where you simply can't stop playing, come fire, flood, or your grandmother clutching your leg, gasping for air while slamming her fist on her heart. It's been so, so many years since I had an intimate all night relationship with a videogame. I miss those.