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2002-09-02

Piggy's specs were nicked at: 3:30 p.m.

I wonder how long those clowns I work with were planning to let me run around with a big hole in the crotch of my uniform's pants before they told me?

I'm thinking of upping the ante at work, and taking over for a woman who's about to go out on maternaty leave. Here with a full report is a midget wearing a bikini.

Midget: "Thanks Tom. Indeed, the inside of Nadia's head is currently a neurotic mess as it turns over the question, 'Should Nadia go for the full time position?' Full time positions in the maintenance department are scarce and usually only up for grabs when another full timer quits, changes shifts, or dies off. The position would only be temporary -- a year, to be exact, since that's how long maternity leave is in Ontario. But Nadia doesn't plan to stay in that stinkhole forever. She's already asked me to lace her pudding with cyanide if she has to put up with another year of Christmas shoppers.

"However, the position that needs to be filled is on the morning shift, which runs from 5:30 am to 2 pm, thus escaping the brunt of the wrath of the Angry Noel. The job is unionized, and has (shitty) benefits. And Nadia would be taught how to drive the really cool floor-washing machine, in which she could tower over and threaten the 90 year old mall walkers who hold the shopping centre in their arthritic claw-grip. When she's not running over old people, Nadia would have every other weekend off. And she'd never have to work with Senor Peckerhead of the afternoon shift ever again.

"But taking the position also means making her bad knee worse. More importantly, she plans to go back to school sooner than originally thought. If David can find an employer willing to hire an American, he might be able to work before his application is processed and we all grow old. Also, Nadia is eligable for a student loan and was thinking of going that route. Thus freeing her from the drudgery of menial labour and giving her back the sense of accomplishment that's long been quaffed after two endless years of scrubbing toilets. Would working full time rip that dream asunder? Or could she return to part time when the school bells finally ring?

"Developments will be available after Nadia talks to her managers and is told she can't get the position anyway because someone in the union wants it, and what the mafia wants, the mafia gets."

Thank you Midget. A chilling vision of things to come!