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Diaryland

I Start Fires!

Lexiroth
Her Rainess
Lizsama
'Cedez
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DM
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2002-05-19

Piggy's specs were nicked at: 11:15 p.m.

Ah ... a long bout of thoughtful silence. I should've written something sooner. Gomen Nasai or some shit. (Bow, nunchuck flourish)

Watching the X-Files "series finale" reminded me exactly why I hated that show. The series brings to mind that line in Macbeth about a strutting player that frets its hour on stage, making noise that signifies nothing. I don't ask for explosions every ten seconds, but give me something that doesn't infuriate me like a slow, slow walk through a sea of tar. If I were any kind of a fan, I'd be badly disappointed with the last episode. 9 years of story was condensed in two hours, revealing all the interesting bits and eliminating the need for a newcomer to research missed story arcs (Me). As far as "new" information goes, I feel sorry for the faithful who sat through two hours of Scully crying and talking softly just to have about ten cynical words dropped for fanboys to mould as they will. God, I'd hate to venture into an X Files message board. I see enough outlandish material on Megaman X message boards ("i thnk bass iz dynamo cuz thei both hav blak arm0r, k?) I seem to remember another show's finale that consisted of clips and a courtroom.

Of course, I'm not an X Files fan by any means, as you can obviously tell. Morbid curiosity drove me to the finale. So maybe the last episode was good, and I just don't have the required love for soft, subtle mystery and alien DNA casseroles. So if you don't agree with me, by all means yell. (Points to the left)

Mulder's last line was some crap about "hope." Yeah, I'm willing to bet the human race won in the end. After all, there'd be no other occasion for the "happy" theme whistles in the background during the bed scene. There, another clue. The series ended with a happy bed scene. Humanity's spirit triumphs again! w00!

I saw Episode II! At midnight! To view a Star Wars film at any other hour would be indecent. I've always taken Star Wars films with a bucket of salt and, er, low standards. So I'm rarely disappointed, and I sure as hell wasn't this time.

Not to say I don't have issues chewing on my brain. Like why did a bounty hunter hire a bounty hunter to assasinate Padame? Oh, uh, this is a good time to give a spoiler warning, I bet.

And at the risk of sounding like everyone else, the "romance" between Anakin and Padame sucked lemondrops. This disappointed me greatly. I'm a big fan of Forbidden Luv, probably because my bloodline seems to be riddled with it and its sweet products. The theatre was in an uproar everytime Anakin did his stalker routine on Padame. I had to stuff my fists in my mouth to keep in screams of laughter. "I am haunted by the kiss you never should've given me!" Shut up.

I mean, ten years apart and the first thing Anakin does is try to jump Padame's bones. Okay, this could be acceptable. Maybe it's dark lust, a sign of things to come. That would rock. But no, Anakin goes ahead and does the stupid schoolboy thing, riding on the backs of ... big grazing aliens to impress his future mate. And Padame, given the timing of her confession of longing, is evidently a fan of terror-sex.

But I'm not going to poke Episode II too much, because it simply doesn't deserve some of the hits its taking. One critic grunted, "the movie has too many screenwipes." Okay, let's just kill the original Star Wars logo and the diagonal scrolling text at the beginning, hey? While we're at it, let's replace the original score with some god damn Linkin Park or Limp Bizkit. The cheesy dialogue didn't bother me very much. I don't think it bothered any fan. And if it did, the sight of mass-produced clone armies and their factory home probably eased any hurt. It made me forget about the ills of the world for five seconds, nevermind lines like "I hate it when he does that."

As for Yoda ... believe the hype.

I think my supervisor, Paul, yelled at me today. I'm not sure. He said something in garbled english and itallian about taking too much time to wash the windows, but he always talks loud enough to melt the ears off a plastic tiger, so he might've just been saying 'hello.' He also sounds like he's screaming for help everytime he talks over the two way radios. So who knows. My feet itch too much to care.